Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So much rum. So many feels.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
