i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
