Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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