I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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