I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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