So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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