Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
