playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
do nipples grow back?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
