His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
