Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
