So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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