But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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