How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
