So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
