Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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