Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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