The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
