I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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