I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
