I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
