is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
