in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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