she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
