i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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