Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
