Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
