I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
