Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
