I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
