There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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