Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
