A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
