i don't like sucking hair
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
