he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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