lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
