you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
