I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
two words: eviction party
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
