You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
