i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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