oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
