You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
