member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
