dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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