It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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