we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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