just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
