I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize