My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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