then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
