Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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