That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's blow job season.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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