I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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