The best revenge is premature balding
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
