just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
