my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How does one acquire holy water?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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