shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
