I'm drive I can fine osifer
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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