yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
