Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
