If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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