i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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