I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
