it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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