Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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