i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
