is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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