I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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