You work out of a Hotel?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
