i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
