You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
