My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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