I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
