bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
